Is it possible to stay in one relationship for a lifetime? And how to achieve this? The secrets of success were shared by my grandparents who just celebrated this year’s diamond wedding anniversary.
My Heroes
My grandparents have always been a great role model for me. By always seeing them side by side, I have created the idea that this is how the right relationship between a man and a woman should look like. Their coexistence is far longer than my whole life, even more than twice. They got married in the summer of 1958, more than sixty years ago. Few days ago they celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary.
“…to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and health,
to love and to cherish, until death do us part.”
The idea to have only one partner for the lifetime scares many of us. Under the pressure of individualism in the present era, it is beginning to cease even in the still traditional Asian countries. However, this idea continues to motivate me. I believe in it and I will believe it, especially thanks to my grandparents. Their example, every time I see them, motivates me to go the same way.
Diamond Wedding Anniversary
When we focus on monogamy, why is that people stayed together for the lifetimes several decades ago and today we have a problem to stay with each other for a couple of years? It may be today’s trend of blaming, in particular, the vast number of life choices which make our decisions difficult. Or is it because of our faltering will and loss of deeper motivation?
Let’s get inspired by my grandparents who just celebrated the diamond wedding anniversary. The people we barely see in the West today. The people for whom the marriage vow and the whole vision of the family were of great importance. We should praise these people and learn from them. I deeply respect my grandparents. I am truly proud of them. In the following part I would like share with you their wisdom gathered throughout their life spent together side by side.
1) How did you meet each other and when did you know that you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Grandma: “We met in Hefa … at the workplace.”
Grandpa: “We have visited various bars and theaters a couple of times, and every Saturday we were dancing in the bar. Then, good day, Boženko, will you wait for me when you finish work? We saw each other every day at work, but then we said we would like to see each other every day at home as well. So we got married.”
2) What is your most beautiful memory of your relationship?
Grandma: “It always was the moments we shared together, whether it was the birth of one daughter or the other, so our holiday where we always went with them.”
Grandpa: “Either we remembered a holiday or when the kids hatched.”
3) What, on the contrary, was your most difficult life experience?
Grandma: “When the Russians came here in 1968 and I did not know where your grandfather is. Grandfather was on military exercise at the border. Your mom was at a scout camp, and your aunt was with our parents and I did not know about your grandfather. That was really hard for me.”
Grandpa: “I have experienced only good situation. No difficult life situations occurred.”
4) What was the main reason that gave you the strength to stay side by side for so long, especially in the difficult times?
Grandpa: “Back then it was normal. It was common to love each other and take care of her. We drew strength from frequent common moments. Together we agreed and went somewhere within the cash option.”
5) What do you like about the other?
Grandma: “Sometimes he is killing me, other times he is perfect.”
Grandpa: “She cooks for me and does not let me die of hunger … she cares about me in all aspects from cooking delicious meals for me to washing my dirty clothes. She cares about me in all possible ways. I like that about her.”
6) What do you dislike about the other?
Grandma: “The times when he annoys me.”
Grandpa: “The grandmother is sometimes obstinate. When I tell her do not do that, she will do it anyway. She does unnecessary things.”
7) What would you recommend today’s generation to stay together so once they can celebrate diamond wedding as well?
“Personal understanding of the other. As you were born after the revolution, you have a completely different world.
Being interested in the other, like and tolerant each other (let go of many things).
Sometimes be modest. Not when the wife says, “Let’s go to America” and now you do not have the money, so you’d get a loan at the bank. This did not exist at that time.”
8) Do you think today’s relationships are different?
Grandpa: “I say it is hard to compare one to another when the world has changed quite a bit now. What is happening now, we never would have expected. Some people live on a dog book (living with each other without getting married). This did not exist back in the days. Either you liked the woman or you went away.
Transforming the nation-wide structure of life. People live differently than we lived. People also argued, right?
We know how Jirka came and said, “We have a fish household.”
I said, “What is it?”
Jirka: “We do not speak.”
He came in a week, so I said, “So is the fish still at home?”
Jirka: “No, it’s good, it’s perfect again.”
Everyone in his life argued, but HOW argued! Someone argues one day and forgets about it the other day, and someone argues through the crap and the divorce is following the process, right … “
Review of the Interview at the diamond wedding
I have to admit that I was imagining the interview to be completely different. I thought I prepared questions that I would lead the interview and get the answers I was waiting for. However, it did not happen. There was a difference between the two generations. After all, my ideas about relationships and life were totally different from my grandparents.
My generation has learned to want more than we have. We start to have high demands on both personal and working life. At work, we look for meaning, fulfillment, and demand a higher salary. We have the same requirements for our partner. Always looking for our perfect half. We confuse love with falling in love when we find someone better than ourselves. Our better selves.
What I Have Found out During the Interview
An interview with my grandparents at the diamond wedding anniversary reminded me of the values that are extremely important in relationships, and often overlooked by today’s generations.
Be modest. What do we need to live except the roof above us, enough food, water, and someone who will share everything with us in times of both good and bad?
It is necessary to understand each other. Realize that our partner, like us, is not perfect. In order to achieve a harmonious relationship, we must understand and respect each other and recognize our mutual shortcomings.
And above all, we should like the other one. Love him or her. Do not confuse falling in love with love. Unlike falling in love, love is eternal and it is possible to love someone even for sixty years.